Kool Aid Killer

[dramatic music playing] -(reporter) The carnage continues today as yet another body was found. This will be the tenth victim of the mysterious Kool-Aid Killer. -(announcer) For years, he’s waited in the shadows, forgotten. -There’s a madman loose and he’s killing people. -This is his calling card. -He feels forgotten and he’s sending a message by killing everyone that doesn’t drink Kool-Aid. -So he’s basically killing everyone above the age of five. -I hate my life. [crash!] -Oh yeah! -(announcer) This summer… get ready… the rivers are gonna run red. [crash!] -Ah! -Oh yeah! [muffled yelling, explosion] -Knife to meet ya. -[muffled noises] [crash!] -Oh yeah! Can I axe you a question? -Ah! -Go! Go, he’s gaining on us! Step on it! [crash!] -I’ll teach you to make fun of me, Dane Cook. Heads up! -Ah! -Should’ve known I’m a wild pitcher. -(announcer) Whatever you do, don’t look back. -Who is locking all these doors? -Ah! [gunshot] -(announcer) Kool Killer. -Oh yeah! [multiple gunshots] Captioned by SpongeSebastian