What Do Depression & Medications Feel Like? | Inside Intimacy


– Taking antidepressants
is like more chill than taking like Flonase or
like Aspirin, like honestly. – Yeah, it’s like people are
so afraid of antidepressants and they fully like
rip cocaine at parties. Hi, I’m Rose Surnow and I’m mentally ill, but don’t worry, I’m medicated. Today on Inside Intimacy,
we talk depression. – Other than Kanye, everyone
has to take your meds. – That’s hilarious. – I think because my mom
was like a Russian immigrant with a very hard life, I couldn’t really explain my problems without her putting it on a graph of like, well, this is not a big deal. – Yeah, you weren’t, like,
fleeing the Cossacks. – Yes, exactly. – Do you have any experience
with mental health issues? – Depression and anxiety. – So mainly depression and anxiety. – I do, I struggle with both actually. – Hi, I’m Beowulf Jones, America’s sweetheart, bipolar Canadian. – Yeah, baby. – I have definitely
suffered from depression for a lot of my life,
especially my younger years, just from past trauma
that I couldn’t heal. – I went through a really bad breakup and then I went through, I slipped into a depression that lasted a good six to eight months, and I didn’t think I
would ever come out of it. – I’ve been diagnosed bipolar. At first they thought it
was chronic depression because I was cripplingly
depressed half the time, but the other time I felt great. – I wasn’t having any fun. It felt like I was in a
little room with a window, where I could see all
my friends hanging out outside of the window and they’re like, come on, hang out with us. I’m like, I can’t. I’m in this room with no door and I can, like, see
you guys, but it sucks. – Low interest in socializing,
eating, sleeping a lot, highly emotional, you know, crying, not being engaged in anything. You know, kind of feeling like there was this dark cloud kind
of like spraying over you. – Not being able to sleep, and then being up at 6:00 and then feeling like
I have nothing to do. There was nothing I could find comfort in. – I was just very difficult to be around. I guess I felt I had no confidence, so I was trying to prove that
I was better than people. – I just felt so short of breath. Like I just felt like there was a hand on my throat at all times. – Like a claustrophobic feeling. My chest gets really tight and then, it’s just hard for me to breathe. I need to sit down definitely. – One time I was having a panic attack and I knocked on my roommate’s
door at one in the morning. I was like, “Hey, is it
cool if I sleep in here “because I think if I fall
asleep, I’m going to die.” He was like, “Yeah,
man, you could totally, “like you’re not gonna die, “like you can totally just sleep in here “if you want, man, you’re good.” – He sounds like such a sweet guy. – He is a very sweet man, yeah. – After I had my first ever panic attack, I remember, like, looking in the mirror and being like, “Wow, I
can’t believe I didn’t “cry off this mascara.”
Like, so impressed. – You killed your first panic attack. – Yeah, I did, and came out looking as beautiful as I went in. – I make things, like, I make short films and I like to do that to
keep creatively motivated. I was like what if, like,
I’d make a short film where I try to kill myself and fail. It’s a comedy. – You’re like, “Ha, ha, ha, help!” – When I was 21, I was dating a therapist and after years of no one
knowing what to do with me, she diagnosed me in like two minutes. – And how did you feel being diagnosed? – I felt great! I felt like there was an
answer for why I was different, for why my behavior was so erratic, it wasn’t just ’cause I was a jerk. – I took a year off in my
junior year for my mental health and everyone thought I studied abroad. So they’re like, “How
was studying abroad?” I was like, “At my parents house?” I just like, laughed it off, I said, yeah, it was super memorable. – I got on meds when I was
19, that’s a long time ago. It wasn’t as common, so I didn’t know that many people on meds, so I was really scared
when I first got on them. – Yeah, I mean, I was scared
before getting on meds. That it would destroy my sex life, it would destroy my art, it would make me like, a
numb, shut down zombie, who was a gray corporate drone, who couldn’t feel feelings. And like, the total opposite happened. Really, it brought me back
to who I feel I really am. – I mean, that’s exactly how I feel. – Yeah. – Just the stigma around it is like, you take them and then
you’ve got no emotion, and you’re just a zombie walking around, and you’ve failed at life, that’s why you have to
take antidepressants. But that’s very far from the truth. – People who are anti-meds
who think that you can do diet and lifestyle hacks to
improve your depression, I was a spin teacher. I was a yoga teacher. I was vegan. I was vegetarian. I was gluten free. I did all the things,
and I was the most fit, unhappy, depressed person you’ve ever met. – So was there ever anyone in your life who was kind of like, pressuring
you not to take medication? – Yes, my girlfriend was
very anti-medication. I think she just was like, look you need to try all
of the natural options before you try medication. – And what was your response? – Uh, I’m losing my mind,
I need to try medication. – I’m sure you’re girlfriend is amazing, and she loves you and you love her, and everyone has their little blind spots, but my issue with that is like, a person who doesn’t
have clinical depression really doesn’t need to tell me what I should be doing
with my mental health. – There were some, you know, side effects that I wasn’t quite happy with. – Sexual side effects? – Yeah, so… – Were you on Lexapro? – I was on Lexapro. – Yeah, it’s a killer. I mean, I’m on it, but it’s hard. – I just couldn’t manage with it, so I tried to just do it on my
own, which has been helpful. I mean, I go to groups and
I have a therapist ongoing, and so that seems to be helping. I think the benefits
for me, is just kind of, feeling like I exist in the world again. I have friends who don’t
know how to function just yet and still suffer through it, because they aren’t taking meds, they aren’t seeing a therapist. – If I had have had this ten years ago, I don’t even know how my
life would be different. And so, that’s why it’s important
for me to talk about it. For 25 year old Megan, who was like, binge drinking and in bad relationships, and just couldn’t see that
the world didn’t hate her. It was her head, you know? – I always say, I’m like a really happy, fun person with depression. Like when I’m medicated, when I’m doing what I need
to do, my life is awesome. I’m really positive. – Totally, yeah. – This is how I’m supposed to be. – So what I love about today is like, it’s not taboo to talk about this stuff. Like, I have a coworker who
will still whisper like, “I have to leave to go see my therapist.” I’m like, that’s like going
to see your dermatologist. You’re a human, who has moods. – Yeah, I love this Jenny. – And you need help. We aren’t born with these tools, we have to be shown it
through other people. – I don’t think people should whisper their mental health problems. I think they should scream them, because if you’re finding
something helpful, I almost think it’s your responsibility to let other people know, because so many people suffer silently. – The thing that has helped
me the most is therapy. Not just talking therapy, but
also hypnosis and meditation. – Cool. – And of course, the meds. They don’t do all the work, they just level the playing field, so you can deal with
your real world problems. They don’t magically
make everything better, but they’ve made me stable and I love being stable, it’s great. – I love being stable too!
– Yay! – Do you have any advice for people with anxiety
if they’re watching? – I wish I did, but I also think I’m
still figuring that out, so if anyone else does. I’ll watch this video when it comes outs, and then like, oh, yeah,
okay, got it, I’ll do that. – I just wanted to thank you
for talking about this topic, and I hope people hear
other people’s experiences and know that they’re not alone. – Thanks, Jenny, I really appreciate it. – Thank you. – If your anxiety and
depression was a type of sushi, what would it be? – It would probably be like, a loaded, way too many sauces, like oven baked, fried, terrible monster. That’s what my depression is, I think.